..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
