I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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