I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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