She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize