arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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