i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
