the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
