Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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