All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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