Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
