I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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