there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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