Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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