The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
