Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
