if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
