so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
