also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
