Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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