My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
