I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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