im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
