Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize