like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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