he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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