Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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