I cannot find my penis.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish i was in the wii world.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
