I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
