when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
These tits shall not be calmed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
