Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
