So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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