When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
its not stalking. its research.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
of course. lets lasso hookers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
