I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
