now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
