I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
