the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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