capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
