I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
