your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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