Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.