Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina