saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.