dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....