Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.