Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Too much gin, very little bucket
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there