where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
