Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
