At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
