I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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