$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
