hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
