i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
