dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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