It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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