when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
