Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
