dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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