Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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