Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
