I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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