nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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