laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
