would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
