me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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