out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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