dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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