We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
