brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
