You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize