Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
