I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
