I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
