this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
