My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
