It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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