I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
