I'd wear matching sweaters with you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
