Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Barsexuality is the new black.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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