i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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